im diggin this girl

This girl means the world to me.
What can i say about hanna she is beautiful smart funny and understands me.
She loves what i have to say she listens to me and cares deeply for me.
We have our moments of doubts about us , but the thing is no matter any girl i know or meet she doesnt come off my mind.
Not one second.
I Love Her To Death.
No Matter What Problems We May Have In The Future No One Will Be Able To Seperate Us.
Hanna I Love You

The World Is Screwed Up.

i hate this world.
i really fucking do!
Liars cheater backstabbers & fakes is all i seem to know anymore.
i give my trust out and people abuse it.
i am tired of it.
all i want is for someone too save me.
please i am begging i need someone to save me from this hell that is my life.
the one girl i would love to know more than anyone cant give me the time of day and it sucks.
she wants someone too trust i want her too trust me.
i keep thinking let me wake up this morning maybe things will be different, maybe just maybe she will say hi too me.
the impact she can have on me by just saying hi is incredible.
we never talked much when we first met and even now we still very rarely even say hi.
but ive always been here just waiting for her to say hi.
something about her has just kept me waiting for her.
she is the one girl i feel i can give my trust too because she also knows what it is like to be hurt.
and as fucked up as i may be she may just understand me if we spoke.
so once again i am dragging myself to this computer to try and get some form of communication with her.
now if i have ever mistreated you or said anything that offended you i apologize deeply and i pray too god that you can forgive me.
please try to understand i need to speak with you.
your the one girl who is real.
the one girl who can make my day brighter just by saying hi.
the one girl who i feel like wont hurt me.
please i hate this life but seeing your pictures seems to make me a bit happy.
see my life is like a cliff and i just jumped off wondering if you will end up coming out of nowhere and grab my hand and say i wont let you go, and pull me back up.
Please i need you more than i have ever needed anyone.

My Future ? Who I Love ?

i dont know exactly what my future holds.
when i think about my future i come up blank.
is it because i have no future or because i am just too scared too imagine ?
i am 19 and still picture myself as a kid.
scared of the future that awaits me.
i dont know wether i will be successful or a failure but i intend to find out.
it seems cloudy my future like i am looking up at the sky and all i see are dark clouds holding the suns violent rays from breaking through.
i think i have figured it out.
i have put it in some form of perspective.
My life is dark and cloudy because i am not with her.
If luck happens to strike and i end up with her the clouds will surely always await but i will make every attempt to keep the sunnieness there.

Is The World A Nightmare Or Am I ?

My First Blog.
Am I Fucked Up Or Is It The Society I Live In ?
I Lead A Pretty Normal Life Actually No Scratch That.
First Off I Have Aspergers Syndrome If You Do Not Know What It Is Let Me Break It Down 4 You.
Its A Slight Form Of Autism That Makes Some Social Activities And Normalities Difficult For Me.
So For Me It Is Hard To Make Good Strong Friendships Not Just Because Of The Lack Of Social Skills But Because Part Of My problem Is With Aspergers I Tend Too Talk About Certain Subjects Alot Which May Bore People Without My Knowing It.
So If I Do That hear Please Bare With me And My Deepest Apologies.

Now I Have A Question.
Am I The Only One Who Thinks Society Is Fucked Up ?
Day In & Day Out I See The "Normal" People Who Look And Act Like Sheep Just Do The Exact Same Thing As Everyone Else.
Yet I Get Ridiculed And Made Fun Of Because I Am A Little Different.
So ? I March To The Beat Of A Different Drummer That Doesn't Make The "Normals" Any Better Than Me Or Anyone Like Me.
When Some People Who Really Know Me Tell You What They Think Of me You Would Be Shocked.
You Would Think Who Frank ? Are You Kidding ?
I Have Never Been The Guy Who Cares More About Physical Needs With Women Than Emotional Needs.
I Have Always Been Attracted To The Women Who Can Hold A Conversation & Keep Me Intrested.
I Love To Listen To Girls Speak.
It Is Just So Refreshing.
Yet I Can Never Seem To Have A Girlfriend.
I Just Assume Most Women Like To Complain About How They Would Appreciate A Good Man And Not Really Care All That Much About Money And Looks.
I Am Not Saying I Am Ugly! I Am Saying I Am Decent Looking!
I May Not Look Like A Movie Star Or A Male Model But The One Thing I Can Promise To Give A Girl Is My Complete Loyalty And Tons Of Support And Love But Most Of All Respect.
I Guess I Just Want To Be Loved.
Ya' Know ?
I Just Want That Feeling Were I Talked To her 5 Minutes Ago & I Miss Her Already.
I Never Really Had That.
I Want That.
I Want To Have A Girlfriend Who Will Put Up With The Craziness And Maybe Get A bit Angry Sometimes And Show Some Emotion.
But Most Of All I Want A Girl Who Won't Walk Away Because Of Something Stupid.
It's Hard To Find These Days I Guess.
I Guess I Have To Stop Lying To Myself About How Things Will Play Out For The Best.
It's Like This World This Society We Live In Is A Nightmare Now.
Backstabbers,Liars,Cheaters,Abusers,Users,And Straight Cons Are The Only Kinds Of People We See Now.
All I Have Wanted Was To Imagine This World Was A Nightmare I Could Wake Up From.
Sadly It Is A Nightmare Just Not One We Can Escape.
I have Never Needed To Search Who I Am Deep Inside Because I Already Know Who I Am.
I Am An Old Soul Basically With A Mix Of New Style.
I Believe Love Is The Most Important Thing Next To Honesty And Physical needs Come After Love.
Sadly This World Thinks i Am A Tragedy Because I don't Focus On Physical Needs.
I Focus On My Emotional And Girls Emotional Needs.
Sorry For Making This So Long But If You Actually Read All Of This There Is One More Thing I Need To Say.
God Bless you & Thank you For Listening As I Ramble On.
Please Try to Be As Happy As Possible Love You All